My Dearest Child

My Dearest Child,

The time has come to let go. It is time to let go of the hurt and anger. To let go of the pain of loss and allow yourself to heal. This is not to say that there will not come more times of hurt and anger, of sadness and loss, but it is time to let go of that which has already come and gone. Dear child I love as you are with all your greatness and all your faults. All of these things make you who you are, and who you are is special to me. Do not be afraid to admit that you are sad or hurt or angry, these are simply parts of life that come and go. Just as joy and happiness and laughter will come and go. My wish for you is that you will embrace all of these times in your life and let them just flow through and on. Do not hold them or hide them. Do not bury them, for then they will cause you more pain and grief. It is not wrong to feel them, they simply are, just let them be and let them go. HOLD ON TO THE JOY AND HAPPINESS! Your spirit is beautiful, as are you. You may not see this or even believe it, but listen to me I know, for you are my child and I love you. There is much greatness in you if you will only believe. Do not fear, that which has gone, or that yet to come, for I am always here with you. If you listen with your heart you will always hear me, even if I am not beside you. Find me, listen for me, for I love you and I am here, you have only to open your heart, and let me in. Remember always that you are a gift of love, and that you are loved, and most importantly that you are WORTHY of love. If you need someone to lean on I am here, simply call me and I will answer. If you have doubts remember that I believe in you until the doubts pass and you can believe in yourself again. My dearest child, it is time to let go. It is ok to let go, letting go doesn’t mean you will forget, it just means you are releasing the hurt. It is time to heal! The memories will remain but let the pain go, it is time to be whole again. Let it go my child. I love you and I will catch you, if you let me. Be at peace with life and be whole. My dearest child I love you now and forever. You are blessed and a blessing, remember that.

But mostly remember that I love you!

well my journey through shadow work continues. Monday, was my appointment with Lorraine. It was definitely an earthshaking experience for me. As we began to talk about the shadows I found my self shaking as if I had a fever and I was so cold. I don't think that shadows like to let go. I was overwhelmed by fear, fear of being judged for my "darkside". Really! from Lorraine? what was I thinking? She is one of the most non-judgemental people it has ever been my fortune to meet. and yet here I sat quaking in fear, for it was all fear. We pin pointed some target times in my life and the shadows or "trapped emotions" as Lorraine calls them and brought them to the light. There is a sense of great change in me right now. I am still processing all that went on but i think I can say that my soul is lighter. I have unfortunately lost touch with Spirit recently and so I need to get back in touch, that was part of my "homework" assignment. there was so much that went on and I don't even know where to start, other than to say it was very cleansing and I am still processing. There has definitely been a shift in my psyche. I left some baggage behind and took the next step in my personal growth or evolution. When I left I was exhausted but as each day progresses I feel stronger and more in touch with myself. More whole, perhaps. Well that is all for now, it is time to go work on my homework. Blessings!

Shadow work

shadows, dark and murky... those dark scary places that we tend to avoid. The areas that hold all our darkest fears, and deepest secrets. The place that we sweep all the things that we don't want to look at or deal with. Why? Why do we feel the need to be if not perfect, then at least good? Everywhere I turn lately I have been confronted with shadows, references to shadows, writings about shadows. Hmmm...think there is a message here? Well I decided there is and so I am on a journey to illuminate my shadows and chase away the fears. To explore my darker side and bring it to the light. To become whole. I must say that this seems like a daunting task and rather unpleasant. There are aspects of my personality that I have worked long and hard to bury and keep hidden. Not only from the world but myself as well. There is shame and fear and a feeling of loss of control as I begin this exploration of self. But if I do not do this then I will never be whole and will not be able to move forward. I will always be stuck in my present cycle of life. It would be so much easier if I could just say, " well it's not me" but deep inside it is. I may not have created what I am dealing with but some aspect of myself is there and being reflected back to me. There is so much good that I see, but I need to chase away the "demons" and bring light to the shadows in my life. For by bringing light, the shadows grow smaller and become less fearful. They lose power and I gain knowledge for they are here to teach me things I need to learn. To face my fears and accept me for all that i am. If I am to be truly accepting of others with all their glories and all their faults, do I not need to start with my own? What are my shodws you ask?

Well, loss of control is one. Fear of not being liked is another. fear of being selfish, fear of being overweight ( and I am), fear of being jealous, fear of being greedy or prideful. These are hard things to write, let alone admit to, but if I am to bring light to my shadows I must open the windows and air them out. and so begins my journey. I have a visit to Lorraine tomorrow and I have some reading to do. Probably some more journaling as well. I will try to keep you posted as my trip continues. If you wish to share I would love to hear from you as well.

In light and love!

Happy Halloween

Halloween or Samhain, whichever you prefer to call it is here again. This was the Celtic New Year, the ending of summer and the year. The beginning of winter or the dark season and the new year. A time of drawing in and contemplation, but fist a celebration to send out the old year with a bang. A time to honor the changing season, to show respect for the ancestors. This has changed in some aspects but in many still holds a touch of the old ways. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. I love the sights. The sounds, and the smells. The air is crisp and clean, nature has wrapped herself in beautiful colors of red, gold, and even some green still remains. The decorations and costumes are such fun. To throw off your daily persona and become who ever you would like to be for just a few hours brings back light-hearted memories of childhood. So here is wishing you a day filled with fun and laughter and night filled with fun and fright (only the good kind) if you wish it. Have a blessed and happy Halloween!

Regrets

Regrets...
We all have them, some are deeper than others. The thing about regrets is not to let them control your life. Don't let your regrets turn into guilt. Regrets are mistakes made, they are often
good intentions that just went wrong. No matter how careful we are or how hard we try we will make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them so that we do not repeat them. Do not let regrets consume your life. Look at them, learn from them, and let them go. Give your self a little time if you need it to wallow in it, to embrace it. Then let it go, because if you hang on to it then you have learned nothing from it. And eventually it will consume you. They say that life is full of regrets and while there may be regrets in life I don't believe that it has to be full of them. If we embrace the lesson that they teach us and release them, then life is simply full of lessons learned and not regrets. Just a thought for today.
In Light and Love

The Journey!

When I first began my journey I was desperately seeking someone or something to teach me what to do, how to do, what was right. Through this journey I have discovered that there is no one way to do, or be. It is all about finding you and what feels right to you. There will be moments when you throw your hands up in despair. And times when you dance with glee. But whatever emotion you face, it is all part of the journey. The journey is not about the destination, so stop worrying about getting there. The journey is simply about the journey and living each and every moment of it. It is about exploring not only yourself but the world around you. Remember as a child the awe of walking beneath the giant trees of the forest, or through a cathedral, or museum? Look for this feeling in everyday. Find that moment when you say, "AAhhh!" Don't be discouraged if you can't always find it, sometimes you won't. But simply by looking for it, you are experiencing more of life and your journey than if you are simply putting one foot in front of the other, with you head tucked in to avoid the blows of life. If you can find the ability to hold up your head, no matter what. To look for the beauty through laughter and tears. Then you my friend, are truly living your journey. This is not always and easy thing to do and there will be days when you simply tuck your head and place one foot in front of the other. I know I still do from time to time. But if you keep practicing it gets easier and the journey becomes an adventure, and adventures make great stories to share.

October!?!

October! Can you believe it? The end of the Celtic Year and the beginning of the new one. There is so much going on in my life right now, I am feeling a little tired and perhaps a bit overwhelmed. The park is almost ready to close only 2 more weekends of campers. The las one is the big hurrah with our Haunted Trail. I had a group of volunteers in yesterday that helped us to get most of it set up and ready to go. this has been such a strange year. What should have been one of the best years ever has been so mixed up and disconnected. We did win park of the year for our reagion so that is a testement to the fact that all the strain and struggle did not show to the outside world. I knew this was to be a year of great transitions, I guess I just wan't prepare for the direction of them. I have grown by leaps and bounds this year. Things that would have torn me apart and destroyed me a few years ago, I survived. Not without some emotional turmoil, but it didn't hang on near as long as it would have before. I am learning to accept and release that which I have not control over. I hope this means that I am become a better balanced person. I would certainly like to think so. I even realize that I need to thank ( perhaps only mentally) all the things or people who caused or were involved in all that went on this year. For without them I would not have grown into the person I am becoming, while I may not have enjoyed the lessons i have learned this year. They were evidently necessary lessons. Halloween or Samhain is coming! I have an author visit with the Lunenburg Historical Society on October 21st and another event? in McDonough, NY with the lovely ladies from the Tradition gone Wild Trading post. I can't wait! Then home for For a little Celtic New Year celebration with my daughter. See even when life has it's pissy moments, when I remember to look there is a lot of good as well!

Blessings All

catching up

So life here has been very busy this summer. The Park is hopping and seems like I am too. There are so many changes taking place in my life right now and mostly for the good. Although they have not always seemed to be heading in a good directions, they have certainly been learning moments for me. This has been a year of great personal growth and it all started with the publishing of my book. While it has been on hold for a couple of months while that park has been busy, as we start to slow down here, it is starting to pick up momentum again. I have an author's night next thursday at Encore Books in W. Lebanon, NH. I am excited and nervous. I have connected with a lovely lady of like mind and tenatively made arrangements for her to come to the park next year and teach about herbs and some of their uses. Mabon is here and Halloween is just around the corner; and planning for the Haunted walk here at the park begins, shortly. In case I haven't mentioned it before I LOVE Halloween! As the nights begin to cool down campfires are more and more in my future. So I will try to post more often, just in case anyone is interested. Bright blessings and may you walk in light and love!

Weavings

There comes a time when you become so tangled in the threads of life that you can't find your way out. Then someone comes along who gently pulls the threads and untangles you and you can see the warp and begin weaving your life again. There will still be a bump in the fabric, but it simply adds texture and interest to the fabric that is your life. Sometimes these bumps are caused by great pain or emotional upheaval, and as much as they hurt when they are happening it is also a time with the potential for great growth. The weaving may change, we may tighten or loosen the threads as needed. We may even find that the pattern is changing, or new colors are added as old ones are run out. Sometimes we even cut some threads and add new ones, such is the artistry of our lives. While we may think that we know what the pattern of our lives will be, all we really know is that it is forever changing. And when we get caught up in the knowing and don't allow the changes, this is when we get tangled. I was just in such a tangle, by trying to hang on tightly to the threads of the past and not allowing new threads to join and worn out threads to end, I created such a tangle. While caught in the tangle, I couldn't find the threads that I needed to allow myself to smooth out the fabric of my life and the harder I tried, the tighter I pulled the threads and the more snarled the fabric became. Fortunately, I was aware that I was only making it worse and went to see someone who can see those threads and has the skill to untangle them, gently and with great love. I have been lucky enough to find a master weaver with great skill and such love in her heart. Then of course it is always easier to see the tangled threads if you are looking at it from farther away and not from the midst of the tangle. I have read that if a weaving is perfect it will anger the Gods and the will be consequences. While I am not sure that I totally believe such a thing I do wonder if we are given the imperfections in our weavings to help us realize that nothing is perfect and we should not expect it of ourselves either. Although I hate the tangles when they occur, how boring my life would be without them. These are teaching moments when I learn a new skill, how to handle a new thread, or appreciate a new color, or even to let go of a pattern that is no longer appropriate to my life and where I am going. Sometimes I even find an old pattern re-emerging into the new and re-connecting old threads, these a profound moments for me. However these are rare and I have learned that they won't always work out and sometimes need to be released from the weaving again. Sometimes it has become such a habit to weave that pattern, that it slips back in even though it is no longer a necessary part of the weaving. It has performed it's purpose and is no longer useful or necessary to the weaving as it is now. Just because it added beauty and color to the fabric at the time it was woven it is not necessarily going to look right or feel right now. And sometimes new patterns are only there for a short time. Just to add a spot of color or a touch of interest. They may only be a small part of your fabric before they are gone. Then I have to remember to thank them for the joy and color they brought and let them go, to move on with my weaving rather than trying to keep weaving them back into the fabric that they no longer work with. Sometimes they are just there for a short space to add a point of interest or a splash of color.

Grief

When Mom died in ninety-seven I was devastated. I moved through the days in a kind of fog and spent my nights crying and writing. Poetry was my outlet; I wrote and wrote and wrote. The first few weeks I wrote constantly, night after night, from around 10pm when my husband would leave for work, until midnight or later. As time progressed I wrote less frenziedly, but still on a fairly regular basis. The poetry after a couple of months took on less grief as I tried to find a happier, more joyful place. But the grief and longing were still a frequent part of my writing. I longed to go back to the days when she was alive and we would go out to coffee, or sit on the front porch and watch Debbie (my daughter) play. Or even further back to the nights that we would make chocolate pudding and eat it warm with bread with salted butter while we watched Benny Hill and laughed.  Or perhaps even further back to when we were children and we would make her (which she did it willingly) come to our restaurant and order food from hand written menus. And no matter what she always ate and drank and complimented the chef. You would have thought it really as burgers and soda instead of crackers and Kool-Aid.  Or play softball games in the yard, or pull grass off short to make rooms and roads for the fairies. Those where the things that I missed. I missed the daily phone calls (sometimes 3 or 4 a day) for you see I not only lost my Mom, I lost my Best Friend.

After a while I gathered all the poetry I had written about my loss and stapled it together.  I added pictures of Mom and the family, and put a cover on it, entitled: ”Good-bye Mom”. It was my tribute to her, but I think in a strange way it was also a tribute to my grief. The problem was there was no one to share it with, my sisters and Dad were handling grief in their own way and it was not mine. I think we shut each other out for a while in the pain instead of coming together to celebrate what we had and what we had lost. Grief has the potential to rip a family apart faster than the proverbial “speeding bullet”. What seems like a time when we should come together in support and comfort, doesn’t always work out exactly as we think it should. Grief is certainly a test of a family’s dynamics. I felt alone and lost no one to talk to who understood my pain. I’m not sure my husband knew what to do for me and my daughter was too young and dealing with her own pain and loss. She had lost a playmate as well as her Grammy. We talked and cried together, to have share the extent of my own soul searing pain would have been unfair and detrimental. Or at least that was my opinion, and still is to a degree. But thank goodness for Mike and Deb they became my reason to get up each morning and try to make each day as normal as possible.

People/Society in general seems to out an expectation of time on grieving. Kind of like at the end of two weeks you are supposed to let it all go and life will return to normal. I have yet to meet anyone who has been able to do this. I mean on the outside we do, we put on a mask and pretend life is good, when inside we sort feel like curling up in the corner and crying. Grief does ease over time, it never really goes away as such, it just gets simpler or perhaps we learn to handle it better. Why do we grieve? They are no longer here to feel hurt, pain, or suffering. I think we grieve for ourselves and that which we no longer have. Does that make us selfish? I don’t think so – but I wonder if we grew up dealing with death as an everyday facet of life, talking about it as if it were something other than a great mystery, if it wouldn’t be better, healthier, cause less suffering and grief, and less fear for all. It has taken me many years to come to term with that single death and to release all the grief and pain that surrounded it.

I think I have a better understanding now, for I have been through more deaths since and each one seems to bring with it a greater understanding or perhaps acceptance. My Mom used to say “ that everyone handles death and grief differently. Some immerse themselves in the sights, sounds and feeling of their loved one and the loss, then there are those who pack it all away and take it out later and deal with piece by piece, a little at a time. There are even those who put it away and try to pretend that it never happened, that their loved one is simply in the other room, but eventually they will have to deal with it, for it will catch up. ” I think I leaned heavily in to the immersion technique. I packed a few memories away and didn’t open them for many years just knowing they were in the closet was a comfort for me, but emotionally I immersed myself as much as I could in the hopes of getting through it more quickly. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; we just have to remember that everyone does it differently, even within a family. The fifteenth anniversary of my Mother’s death is only a couple of weeks away and I can now look back with sadness for our loss but the pain is gone. So there is hope even if it seems beyond all hope in the beginning. I still miss her every day as does all my family, but I have come to realize that life doesn’t end with death it simply moves on to the next stage or dimension. My Mom is on the other side of the veil and I will meet her spirit again one day and I will celebrate that reunion.

Laugh or cry, must I Choose?

 I am by nature, the proverbial “Susie Sunshine”, but just because I enjoy and find joy in life, doesn’t mean that I don’t feel fear, grief, anger and sadness as well. I did however believe that you should keep all these things hidden as much as possible from the rest of the world. My motto was, “Laugh and the world laughs with you, Cry and you cry alone!” This was my motto for most of my life and I truly believed it for the longest time. That if I allowed myself to be seen as anything other than “Susie Sunshine”, that no one would want to be around me. They would not want to be my friend. I have learned that this (laugh the world will laugh with you, but if you cry you will cry alone) is not always   true, how wrong I was! There is usually at least, one true friend that will hold your hand and cry with you. There are people who will walk away, but the ones who really matter will sit with you and hold your hand.  They’ll cry with you and find ways to make you laugh. The ones who really count are always there no matter what, and after a while will simply tell you to get over it and help you find a way to do it. This doesn’t mean that I should spend all my life crying and whining, but it does mean that I don’t have to hide my real feelings behind a mask anymore either. And while I am learning every day to release those negative emotions, I know that if I have them I don’t have to bury them deep inside and hide them either. I need to let them out into the light and let them go. This has been and is perhaps one of the hardest lessons for me. So here I am a work in progress, a slightly better balanced “Susie Sunshine” wishing all of you a day of joy and light!

Fear

Fear ~such a little word to hold so much power. Why do we give it power? There are so many wonderful things going on in my life right now. Why am I holding on to fear? Fear is a safety net, I think. If I fear; then if something goes in a different direction than I had hoped,  I can’t be disappointed, can I? I think what started out as caution has over the years become fear. Why when children are small and self confident do we tell them they are know-it-alls, and no one likes a know-it-all. Is it to teach us/them caution? Do we fear that they may be right? Where is the balance between caution and fear?

A t the moment it seems as though the better my life gets the more closely I wrap the fear around me.  What on earth am I thinking? Obviously I’m not, or I am too much. I think Ego may be getting in the way a little here.  I looked one of my biggest fears in the face the other day (my weight), and while I haven’t released it yet. I have opened the door and faced it. I am pretty proud of that step, and today with help, I will release it. I realized the other day that I had become judgmental (My Mother is rolling over in her grave, right now over that one). And that I had become judgmental because of fear. Fear of being Fat ( which by the way I am fifty pounds overweight, so seems a little silly to fear it). There I said the word! And I feel awful that I said it, let alone think it.  But I have opened the door, and I don’t like what I saw, so today I change that! Sounds simple I know but it is once you are ready, it is!

So with the help of my good friend Lorraine ( who is an alternative healing therapist, and a GREAT lady), I will face fear again and release it. I will begin another step on my own journey of healing .  SO… “Fear today I greet you and thank you for being in my life to teach me lessons I needed to learn, but now I release you  from my life and step into the light and a healthier more balanced mindset.”

Blessings all I am off to Lorraine’s~

White Birch

As I look out the door this morning, I am greeted by a stand of White Birches that are growing in a clump at the edge of my lawn. Well actually they are growing in my lawn. There is something quite majestic about White Birches. They remind me of the Snow Queen leading winter across the land. I suppose this makes sense because Birch, (or Beith in Ogham) in the celtic tree calendar is November 1-28, yup, first snows of the year generally.

Birch signifies beginnings, endings and a new start. Well the birch is the first tree to grow in the forest and the first to leave when the other trees arrive. It is also the beginning of the wheel to the year. The Celtic New Year! Birches also signify overcoming difficulties, pliability, re establishing boundaries (or in the case of my lawn, reclaiming them), releasing old patterns, shedding unhelpful influences and resolution of conflict. They are a very busy tree! And yet they always remain, kind of ethereal and fairy like to me. Birches are the queen of the forest and pines are the king. But we can talk about that another time. As I am beginning a new cycle in my life I am focusing on the Birch and all she has to offer. And since she sits just outside my front door it is easy to remember the message she brings. That a new time is opening in my life and to let go of the old and unhelpful things in my life. To be strong in my beliefs and flexible enough to bend with the wind, and not break. To sink my roots deep, and raise my face to the stars. To dare to dream and know anything is possible, and that while nothing remains forever, as long as we are willing to grow, there will always be new boundaries for us to establish.

Shadows and Sunlight

SO I have been thinking a lot about shadows lately. And wondering when and why I started to stay in the shadows? I used to “dance in the sunlight” all the time. Why did I stop and why was it so hard to get started again? How many of us are hiding in the shadows?

Here are some of my thoughts…

In the shadows I am safe, protected, unnoticed. In the shadows I can hide and appear to conform to what I thought others expected of me. Not to say that there aren’t expectations, of course there are. I just wonder if they are not as rigid and concise as I believed them to be. There are some basic expectations we all need to live by of course, such as… Do No Harm (very important), and whatever you chose to do, Do Your Best. You know sort of the basic tenets of life. But what about the other things life beliefs and likes or dislikes?

As Children we have (or think we do) the freedom to express ourselves, to “dance in the sunlight”. AS we grow older, we still dance but with some restraint. Now we are given a set of parameters to dance within. We are taught the steps to the dance. A good thing to know so that we understand how society works.  But do we lose or take away too much freedom? Do we create boundaries and build walls because of fear? Do we do it to fit into society or is it out of fear? Fear of not fitting in, of not belonging, of being laughed at, of what others might say or think? It wasn’t so important when we were little, everyone just accepted everyone, so why now? Why and when did I become part of the “herd”? I don’t mean that in a derogatory way either. There is a certain amount of “herd” or community/family if you prefer that is necessary to live in society. But when did it start to rule our lives and choices?

I think it is a preservation technique that we learn in or about junior high. Peer pressure can be a powerful thing at times a wielded judiciously can be a good thing. But let’s face it in Junior high there was and is not a lot of thinking going on, it’s very hormonal. Some us still manage to walk to the beat of a different drum but not with out consequences. Some will continue out of defiance and some will simply be strong enough and the rest of us will come to heel out of fear.

The problem is the sunlight is always beckoning and it is hard to stay on the shadows. Eventually we will come back to “dance in the sunlight” if only for a few moments at a time. As I grow older I am starting to realize that many of the constraints set were my own. They were what I thought I was supposed to do, how I thought I was supposed to act. How I thought I was supposed to be so I could “fit in”. But I have always belonged (though it has taken awhile to realize that), Perhaps not where I thought I was Supposed to, but in my own way and in my own place. And by coming back to “dance in the sunlight” again, perhaps others will find me and join in the dance.

So Welcome back to the sunlight my friend(s)! If you need to stay in the shadows a little longer it is OK. And if you need to stay at the edge of that shadows that is ok too! I am here and waiting when you are ready to come and dance in light and love.

Wisdom from the woods

Have you ever walked in the woods and just felt? No thoughts, just feelings. What did you feel? Scared, happy, awe, reverence? I have at times felt all of these things; I think we all must at times. But how many of us are given the opportunity. How many of us take the woods for granted and just assume that everyone has access. I have and still do sometimes! I can’t imagine a life without trees around me.

Trees are and always have been my saving grace. They are my life line back to the earth and balance. I am by nature an earth child and the forests call to me. I love the oceans, and the mountains, but the trees are “home”.

They say that trees are memory keepers. I believe that! Think about it each ring of a tree captures the time in which it grows. It absorbs the air, the emotions and I believe even the thoughts that take place around it. It encloses it in a time capsule. These memories are just there, waiting… waiting for someone to come and share them to learn from them. But many of us have either forgotten how or are afraid to take the time to remember, to connect with the trees and share their memories and our own. Once upon a time this was a natural occurrence, sadly; not so much anymore.

Have you ever taken a second to talk to the trees? With word or thought or energy sent out through touch? What did you feel, hear, sense? They will answer if you wait for it. It will take some longer than others to answer they have been asleep/ignored longer. But if you have patience and love in your heart they will hear you. There is so much power/knowledge waiting there. It is sleeping, waiting…waiting for someone to care enough to stop and ask. I don’t “hear” the trees as in words, but I can feel them the share energy with me. If I send energy or thoughts of love to them, they send them back. I can tell when I or someone has been there before, the energy levels are higher and response is faster. I receive a burst of energy back that sends cold chills up and down my spine. And not the scary kind.

Next time you are near the trees just send out a thought. Such as “Hello, my friends” See if you get a response. Don’t be surprised if there is nothing the first couple of times, just keep putting it out there. When they realize that you are really there, they will respond. Remember some of them have been sleeping a very long time and they may think that you are just a pleasant memory, a dream.

Walk in peace my friends and have a bright day!

The Magick of my life

Well "Life with Me" has certainly become far less boring that it perhaps was in the begining. When I think of the trepidation with which I started this blog, I have to laugh. And the changes that have taken place since I decided to come out ot the "Broom Closet" have certainly been more than I ever expected. I guess it is all about what I was manifesting before versus what I am manifesting now.

Speaking of Manifesting... Today a good friend and I filled plastic eggs with intentions that we wish to manifest and with gratitude for what we have. I just finished hanging mine in the honeysuckle in front of the house. I have released them and into the Universe and now await the results. Some of which I have already seen. Just by sitting there with my friend and sharing them as we wrote them was empowering. I liked how she wrote hers better that my own wording but the intentions and the gratitude were there just the same.

And speaking of Gratitude... I have many, many things that I am thankful for. Not the least of which is my family and friends. We kind of laugh sometimes at the idea of a "glad: world as Pollyanna put it. But with a little bit of "Glad" anything is possible. I'm not sure if it is really about being positive all the time, I think it is more about finding enthusiasm for life. An enthusiasm for life is contagious and if you can find one thing to be "Glad" about, hang on to it and more will follow. Life will expand by leaps and bounds.

Life is... about journeys, and emotions, and growth and even death. Life is a choice we make everyday. How we will live it or not. How will we feel it or not. How will we grow with it and in it and through it, or not. And even how we let go (death) of ideals, thoughts, emotions, others and ourselves. My own journey is ever changing, rather like this blog. So by sharing, manifesting, and a little gratitude, "Life with Me" has certainly become a little less boring.

Don't you Believe in God?

Here is a question that I hear quite often lately. Don't you believe in God? Well yes. I just believe there is more than organized religion tells us. A professor once told a sister that that the Bible is a history of a people. And at the time I thought it an interesting statement, but not really much else. But as I got older and started searching for something, I couldn't find, I realised the validity of that statement. It is the history of a people, and as a history offers sooo much to us, But is it the whole story? For me it is not.

As I look around at life, I see that pretty much everything comes in pairs, Male and Female. Every species has a mate... Or  carries both within itself. So where was the feminine in religion? Hmmm, not much there, or I couldn't really find her playing a daily role. Then there was the argument was God male or female? Really??? So began my study of Wicca and Druidism. Ahhh, here she was! Now it seemes complete to me.

Please don't think that I am condemning religion, for I don't. I just wonder if it tells all? Perhaps it does, it's just for me it wan't complete, until I began walking My Path. No one single Path is right for every person. Each of us needs to find our own way to God, or Goddess, or Both. I believe that all Paths lead back to the beginning, to Source. if you will. It is just that each of us must find our own way there!

Happy Ostara

Well, tomorrow is the Spring Equinox or Ostara, or Alban Eiber; kind of sounds like Easter doesn’t it? Celebrated on the first day of spring (spring equinox), on or around the 21^st of March, it is a time of Rebirth. We can celebrate the rebirth of the God. Sound familiar to you? Eggs and Hares are a symbol of this time. Life is hatching, and awakening into a new world. Spring is here, and day and night are in balance! New life and fresh beginnings surround us, as Earth celebrates with bright colors, fresh fragrances and the songs of birds... The cold gray days of winter are slowly disappearing and life is for celebrating. Here the Goddess is in the Maiden stage of her life and perceived as young and beautiful. She brings the warmth of the sun, the spring rains, and the flowers with her.
It is a time of new beginnings and growth, a good time for planting new ideas and goals. This year as I and my friends celebrate, we are "planting" positive intentions and goals for the coming year. The Spring has come early this year and while there is always the chance of a winter storm, nothing should last for any length of time at this point. Mother Nature has begun  her spring green up. Many of us have begun our "green up" as well. I spent the weekend cleaning up dog poo and trash that had apparently fallen out of vehicles or trash bags and been hidden in the snow. Raking away the dead grass where the snow is gone and slogging through puddles deep enough to drown my feet in. I have seen the first Robin, and heard the flies buzzing. Not long now and deep spring will be here with the crocus and daffodils blooming. My gardens are non existant any more as I am never home in the summer to tens them but soon I will be up to my elbows in my herb bed at the park. Yup! Spring is here and I am ready! Have a wonderful Ostara~

St Patrick's day 2012

I was thinking about Irish blessings today, and thinking about how many of them there are. And  how wonderful they really are.  Have you ever really taken the time to listen to one. 

It is no wonder that we are so awed by the Celtic people. Through all the strife that they have lived with and survived, they can still find the beauty and the grace to provide us with a little Magick. A little poetry to brighten our day, a little magick to guide our way. They truly were the original keepers of the flame.

Listen...

 

May the rains sweep gentle across your fields,
May the sun warm the land,
May every good seed you have planted bear fruit,
And late summer find you standing in fields of plenty. 

 

I was thinking...if I took a moment everyday to utter one blessing, what would happen? Well for sure there would be one moment when I was in a beautiful place, emotionally and spiritually. The possibilities... of what it could do for my day are endless. How amazing that I have never realized before how special each one is. They are Magick! Each and every one is like a charm/spell meant to bring good fortune.  How about...

 

May your Pockets be heavy
and your hearts be light
May Good luck pursue you
both day and night

 

I am intrigued and thinking that this idea may need to be more thoroughly explored. You are all welcome to join me and let me know how it worked for you.

Wishing you always...
Walls for the wind,
A roof for the rain
And tea beside the fire.
Laughter to cheer you,
Those you love near you,
And all that your heart may desire

 

So whether you know one, or make one up; if you chance to read this please post, I would like to see how many I can find. And here is mine to you...

 

May the Universe bless you

and guide your way

May Love surround you every day

May the Elements guard you

by night and day

May you find strength to walk

your own path your own way

 

 

Life and Drama

Life
SO... here I sit with my book in hand. For some reason I thought that this would be the end of...something.?.However I find that this journey has taken a life of it's own and I am simply got go where it goes. I don't mean that I am just along for the ride, this journey requires a lot of participation. And I intend to participate in it to the fullest. I am not sure that I can say that I am completely in charge of this journey, I think there may be some forces of nature helping me along. I am in control of living it fully or retreating and hiding (again).

 I choose to live it!

Drama

 Someone said to me yesterday they are so tired of the drama in their lives. And I sort of jokingly (I thought) said, " I am done with drama! Drama has no place in my life any more! I am on the positivity wagon, and I intend to stay there!" Then I realized... Wow, I really meant that! It took me a minute to absorb it and accept that It really was. There has been so much drama in my life, my own and others that I have chosen to take on. I realized that I really had let it go. If it was someone elses. it was theirs and they needed to deal with it. I was tossing it out (so to speak) and had been for a while that is what I have been struggling with over the last few months. I had sort of shut myself off from any drama, become rather hermit like in chosing who what and where my interactions have been. And now I am ready to come out and play again!

This doesn't mean that I don't feel for others, their pain, anger and whatever. I simply choose, not to let it become part of me any more. I realized rather sadly, that this meant I might have to make some changes in my life. Nothing bad. Just simply that if the drama gets to be too much or goes on too long I may need to walk away until I or whoever, has dealt with that drama. Not to stay away forever, just until it is over or at least controlled.

Life lessons

So… it seemed like a good time to sit down and take a look at all the things I have learned in my life.  What have my life lessons been? What have they taught me?  How have they shaped me? So what have I learned in my life?

Here is what may be the most improtant lesson I learned.

 I have learned that people will only give to you, what you expect of them. If I expect others to live to a greater potential, most often they will. There may be one or two who fall short of my expectations, but  it won’t kill me. I might be disappointed, but I will live.  If you expect good from others, you will get good, if you expect bad, that is what you will get. Others sense when you believe in them and will work harder to prove you right. I suppose it is a form of the law of attraction, Like attracts like. This is especially true of children, they sense what you are saying behind your words. If you don’t believe what you are saying, then they won’t either. Don’t set your expectations so high that no one can reach them, be reasonable; but don’t set them so low that no one has to make an effort. The same is true for you self as well. Set attainable goals, and then strive to reach them.

This is a lesson I struggle with most often with myself. I don't set achievable goals and I get discouraged. Weight loss would be one of these struggles. Instead of setting a small goal that I can achieve in a reasonable time I shoot for the whole shebang and then become discouraged, and give up. So... it is time to begin again and tomorrow is a new day, smaller goals! Wish me luck!

a Loving nature?

Had an Awesome time at the Wellness Open House at Saytaloka in Lyndonville, yesterday. That was my very first Reiki Share. I enjoyed seeing Eric Breault with his energy and sound healing at work. And Damien Archembeau's Thai Massage was awesome to see as well. And as always Sali fills the room with her presence. Sali was busy most of the time giving readings, but got to join us for the Reiki share.

I am always amazed at the loving nature of people at these events. I don't know why? You couldn't be a healer and not have a loving nature. Could you imagine going to a healer that hated? It would have to be the most horrible experience. So it makes me stop to think... How often are we affecting our own healing by hanging on to unhappy thoughts or hate. I mean I know that I am supposed to let go of the past, to forgive it and release it. But do I ? really?

for the most part I would have top say yes, but there are some things I'm pretty sure I am still hanging on to. Petty stuff that has no place in my life. So while I am riding that "positivity wagon" I need to address this and work on it as well. How? I am not yet sure. That may be a discussion for later when I figure it out. I'm pretty sure to start with I need to go and see Lorraine. Lorraine LaJoie is an altenative healing therapist in Gorham, NH. She is such an outstanding healer and such a beautiful person.She is definitely a great example of a loving nature.  Just to walk into her space to to feel peace and acceptance. She has already helped me in so many ways both physically and emotionally, I am glad to have meet her. Well enough for tonight.

Blessings All!

All Things must Change

Today my Tarot card was the Wheel - the wheel of life

"All things must Change".This card's meaning is change, and how I will deal with change. By my own actions I can change my life. I am not a prisoner of fate but an integral part of it, and it is a part of me. Life is not a dress rehearsal, it is the thing that is happening while I am waiting for it to begin.

This is very much like a piece from my book...

"To me being a witch involves living, now! You can’t wait for some future time; you have to live your life in this moment with awareness and happiness. Yes having goals and planning for the future is good, but if you live all of your time, for a future time, you are missing so much of life. It really is all about living and enjoying every moment as it happens."

Change is an everyday occurance. Change is growth and rebirth! Without change we grow stagnate and with stagnation comes death. Not necessarily physical death either, it can be the death of ideals, and beliefs. If nothing ever changed think how boring life would become. There would be no challenges to overcome, no mountains to climb, no accolades to win. The boredom would kill me. So good or bad I need to be at peace with it, Welcome it, and take contol of it; by controlling my actions and reactions.

Blessings!

Reunion

Good morning!

Spent a lovely day on the truck on the truck with Michael yesterday. I enjoy the quiet time with him, even if the radio gets to me after awhile. I work through it. Spent some time reflecting on different things and one of them was perspective. Mine as oppposed to anyone elses, I came to this conclusion...

Just because I see life as an adventure, doesn't mean others see it in the same way. It was a rather sobering thought for a moment. But then I realized that I can't let other peoples perspective, affect how I feel about or live my life. While I need to respect and perhaps honor someone elses point of view (perspective) They need to respect mine in return. I need to respect mine. Oh, back to the respect thing. And that is the big point... I NEED TO RESPECT MINE!

So you are having a bad day, I can empathize, and offer sympathy but I can't let it become mine. I need to allow you your moment of whatever you need, but I can't take it on. I have spent a lot of time lately being "angry?" about how others bad days effect me. Why? Did they say to me, I hate the world and you need to too. I don't think so. I really can't think of one person, who has said to me, "Lisa, I am in a hole, could you be in one too?" I think I just simply decided that if they were so unhappy they didn't need my cheery dispositon always in their face, so I allowed myself to get down to. Dummy! I can be happy with out being in your face about it. Really, I need to get a grip! Should I go wallow in your pity party everyday, no because it will become mine. Should you come wallow in mine, when I have one, no. give me a day or two then kick me in the butt and tell me to do something about it. Well enough of that!

So..., dug thruough my cards this morning and today I pulled the 6 of Vessels - Reunion. hmmm

Now reunion means alot of different things, but for me it all boils down to getting back together. The question is what or who is getting back together. Here is what I decided it meant to me, today...

A meeting of myself, with myself or others that can/will bring about a rec...laiming of a missing piece(s) in my life. By coming to this "meeting" with a clearer understanding of me, and and acceptance (forgiveness) of old hurts, thoughts or whatever; what was lost can be resolved. I can put all of me back together. I will reclaim all my "missing parts" and become complete.

By letting go and reclaiming, I am also gaining and renewing, myself, my relationships and my life. Hence it is a Reunion and the cycle becomes complete and so do I.

Walk in love and light today my friends! I will.

Who is my Audience?

So last night I was part of (I listened to) a webinar by Author Keith Ogorek and it was really very good. But one of the Questions before you write a book, you are supposed to ask yourself, is who is my audience? And the answer can't be, Everyone! So Obviously, I have done this a little backwards since I wrote the book or it wrote me, before thinking about this. So... Who is my audience? My audience is obviously any one interested it things related to witches, but beyond that who is my target audience. So I thought about this, why did I write this book. Other than the fact that I just felt compelled. When I wrote it I remember thinking that there are many, many books out there on the mechanics of Wicca and Witches, but not so many who shared their heart. What was it (the journey), emotionally for them. I thought maybe someday, someone would read it and perhaps understand that my journey was only one of many on a spiral path. And that sometimes you have to step away from the "publically acceptable" and follow your own path. That you have to follow your heart to find fulfillment in life. That it is okay to question the status quo, and while it works for some, others of us just need more. That spirituality and religion are sometimes seperate things and that we all need to find our spirit.

So, in answer to the question...Who is my audience? My audience is anyone seeking, seeking to understand that there is more than one way to journey. That if you want to walk a different path it is ok. My Audience is those who want to knowthat no matter what path you walk there are rules and guidelines. some are just more personal than others. My Audience is those who are seeking Spirit and that need to know that you have to find Spirit in what ever form works for you and embrace it!

Walk in light my friends!

Respect

What a lovely day outside. the sun is shining, the world is crisp and white, the sky is blue!
Today's Tarot card is the Nine of Bows - Respect.

So when someone mentions respect I automatically think of... how others respect or don't respect me. But what about respect for myself. Do I have it? if not, why not? this was a thought provoking idea. Wow, I'm not sure that I do respect myself all the time. Is that why I sometimes have issues with low self esteem? And how about respect for the world around me and others? I do much better here, As I sit here writing this I realize that it is much easier to respect others and the world around you than it is myself. When I have respect for my self, life goes smoother and I feel better, emotionally and physically. So does that mean that self doubt is actually a form of disrespect? I suspect that perhaps it is. At what point does being humble become self-effacing and disrespectful. An interesting thought that i may need to explore more. Okay, I definitely need to explore more.

If I am to continue on the path I have chosen; than I need to respect my own path before others can. And I do respect my own path, don't get me wrong, but I need to stop worrying about how others are going to react to me and just walk it.  I saw a quote the other day that said, " it is none of your business what other people think of you". At first I was irritated by that statement, but as I thought about it I realized how true it was. It doesn't matter what others think of me, it only matters what I think of myself and that I respect my thoughts and beliefs. ALL THE TIME! Self doubt has no place in my life, and why do I have self doubt? Is it taught. in your DNA or what? Well here and now I am putting it on notice, get out and stay out. I believe in me and myself. I RESPECT myself and my beliefs and I am worthy of that respect.

So on that note I leave you, and respectfully hope that you are having a wonderful day!

Positively

It is positively beautiful out side. It is crisp, cold and sunny! I am positively glad that I am inside and warm. Well at least for now, I will go out in it later to run errands and what not. Positive! that is my watch word right now. I am going to be positive ( even if it kills me). I noticed a while ago that I had gotten into a very negative slump. Well I and a friend, decided we needed to grab our selves by the boot straps and haul ourselves out of the swamp of negative and get going on the positive. Now that doesn't mean I am going to run around positively giddy all the time, although there is that possibility, I must admit that by nature I am usually an extremely happy person. Yes I am (gag,gag) one of those happy people. I can usually find enjoyment everywhere. That was why when I started wallowing (and yes I was wallowing), in a morass of negativity, I started to not feel well, I gained more weight( ugh) and lost all ambition! Sometimes I can be such an idiot! So ENOUGH of the negative... Time to find my happy space and get motivated! It REALLY is a beautiful day outside and the world awaits. I may have tea with my friend and I may visit my Dad. I will definitely spend some time with my husband. Whom I have decided I adore after all. Should hope so after 24 years together. And even if he choses to have a negative, day I may pretend that I can't hear it and go on. So today I am digging out my rose colored glasses and having a gorgeous day! Hope you all are having one too!
Blessings!

3/4/12

Good Morning!

The sky is gray and there are flurries floating around rather lazily this morning. It is a quiet day right now, a time for reflection. So I pulled out the Tarot this morning to see where I am at right now. I got The Journey, The World Tree, and the Seven of Bows-Clearance. how oddly appropriate the cards were, as I flipped each one over I couldn't help but think. "I should have known". so let's explore them alittle...

PAST   The Journey- time to face the inevitable, to let the bones be laid bare, to face the deepest aspects of your fears and desires.Do not fear Change! It is a clearing of the past a letting go, so there is room for new growth and new ideas in your life.

There has been a lot of letting go here recently. I am letting go of and working daily on letting go of ... fear, control, and past hurt. I got lost for a while in all of this and the struggle to get through the day was overwhelming. With the help of a good friend (Sabrina) we are trying to keep each other on the "Positivity Wagon" We  both slip from time to time but usually a message or a visit gets things back on track.

PRESENT   The World Tree - The Universe and all it's blessings are available to anyone who seeks with a with a sincere heart, it;s knowledge and wisdom. Mo matter where the road has been or where it is going, if we keep searching, it is there. Now is the time to bathe in the light of renewal, attainment, and personal triumph!

OH YEA! My life is in such a good place right now! The Book is at the printers, it;s getting easier to stay on the positivity wagon, and my contract just arrive for my job at the Parks. Definitely time to enjoy all the positives in life right now.

FUTURE   Seven of Bows -Clearance- Change is coming, more change. Life is constantly changing, giving birth to new ideas, new ways of being and doing, new friends and many other possibilities. Change is hard if we allow it to be, but by allowing the change to take place as a prt of everyday life, and knowing that new and wonderful things are to come, By letting go of the old with reverence for what it gave us and gratitude, we can ease the change and prepare for the new with a welcoming heart!

 Ok, I will admit this makes me a little nervous, but also kind of excited. What is waiting around that next corner. There has been so much awesomeness in life that it can only be part of that continued forward momentum. Wow...

And I have added an author page to facebook, how cool is that?


So this is how my day has begun, the sun is starting to shine, the flurries are still lazily drifting around, and it may get warm enough to play on the snowshoes, we will see.

May everyone have a wonderful day! Bright Blessings to all.

3/1/2012

Ahh, the first of March and it is roaring like a lion out there. In here we are all snug and warm, a quiet day of house work and contemplation. Signed off on the cover and the galleys for the book yesterday, should be in production in 3 days and in print by the end of the Month. WOW! the excitement here is building. I am a little nervous and SO excited all at the same time! Life has definitely shifted in a new direction for me. And this is not a bad thing, but it is a little out of my comfort zone. The funny thing is I feel ready for it. Like It is time to spread my wings and soar.

I was thinking about all the changes coming my way... where am I going next. I know that there is more to be written although I haven't found what yet. I Idea of some type of classes has crossed my mind a couple of times. Finding a way to share knowledge. Not just my own but others as well. I don't know just rambling a bit, I guess.

2/26/12

What a beautiful day outside. the world is white with snow and so beautiful and bright. Winter is laying out a beautiful ending for us. I am in the process of readding the galleys for the book. " A Witch's Journey... the story of Greyehawke". so far not to many errors on my part but a few that will need correcting. The house is so quiet and relaxed this morning. I have been so overwhelmed lately by my home there are so many different people living here and the energies are so scattered. Thank you Sabrina for helping me fix that. Off on a new tangent at the moment. researching Elementals in more depth. I have lightly grazed the surface in my studies but it is time to dig deeper. So I think, perhaps, one element at a time. I will probably begin with Earth as that is my element and progress from there. Think I will look into some of the Angel thing Dorren virtue has out there as well. Gotta say it is some pretty powerful stuff. Well off to begin my day... May yours be blessed and bright!

2/24/12

Well, just got back from Vacation with the hubby. We did a three day mini tour through PA. Awesome place to visit. I think I could even live there. Proofs are back from the publisher, I'll start reviewing them tomorrow afternoon. There is a lot of work that goes into publishing a book. Perhaps even more than writing it. I am so excited to do this and grateful for the ability to do so. I am so proud of my family for their support. I looked at the cover today and must admit I cried a little. To see it for the first time is so huge. I feel like I have stepped into a whirlwind of good fortune. The sun is shining in my life and the grass is green the breezes are gentle and the earth is warm. Hard to believe it is still february and winter outside, in my heart it is summer. And there I go waxing poetic. LOL

2/17/2012

Well... been a little while since I've had time to write. But here I am! The book is progressing quite nicely though the publishing process. I do have homework however. I am supposed to be deciding what my goals are. What do I see as what the book should be where it should go. My immediate response is of Course, "I want to be a best selling author"! On a smaller scale I would like to think that perhaps someone will read this story of my journey and it will make them realize that their journey is ok too. They don't have to be on my journey and they don't have to follow where I am going. Their journey is seperate and individual, but it is a journey, enjoy it. Laugh, and cry; grieve when you need to, laugh when the mood strikes. Just live it! The good and the bad the mundane and the Magick!

1/30/2012

Well, what is doing in your world today? Not alot going on here at the moment. Everyone is at work, and the Belisana (the dog) and I are home. The sun is shining and life is feeling pretty good. Looking to see if I can get a doggie playdate scheduled with by friend Sabrina and her husky Kyda. Bel always enjoys these and so do I. let's face it a day of interesting conversation is always more fun than talking to yourself or the dog. Although, somedays the dog makes a very good listener. So, my goal today is a playdate, let's be honest for both the dog and I; and some study time ( Chakra healing and other), some housework and if I'm luck my hubby won't have to stay at work all day. Seriously it is his day off, and I can't get some quality time with him. And.... biggest goal of the day is to work on self respect. I find that I am lacking it right now. Like that's all that new, struggle with that all the time. But I have come to the realization that most of my inner turmoil right now is the fact that I have no respect of self. I can spend all day having a pitty party because I am frustrated with life or I can suck it up and do things to get  my self back where I want to be. Option 2, option 2, getting very tired of the pity party. Spring is coming and I am a wreck, time for some self improvement.

My tarot card for the day is the Sun of Life. It is a powerful symbol of light and fertility. It heralds a season blessed with joyous enlightment, robust health, and emotional harmony. ( sounds Awesome)
It is time to let the inner sun at my core shine through. It also beckons me to look beyond the clutter and noise of everyday and become aware of the vastness and generosity of the cosmic soul.
As I sit here reading this the sun is pouring through the window and onto the kitchen table warming my body and soul. Coincidence? I think not!

So today, I committed to publishing my book.

January 29,2012

So, seems I don't really post much. let's see if I can change that. Parks will be opening up here in Vermont pretty soon and then I will have all sorts of things to post but in the meantime...

Went to see Lorraine the other day, she is an alternative healing therapist and does such a great job. Lorraine is based out of Gorham, NH and is one of the most caring and grounded individuals I have ever met. Check her out at http://www.lorraineshealthyoptions.com/. the things she is able to do are amazing. I am far healthier in mind and body now than I was 4 years ago and Lorraine was and is a big part of this.

My friend Sabrina is stepping into her own as well with the opening of her new shoppe.
Believe in Magick Shoppe

Believe in Magick is a small store that specializes in inspiring books, tools of divination (including tarot, runes, pendulums etc.) and magick supplies. Soon to open in spring 2012

 

I am so excited for her and just for the fact that I won't have to drive 100 miles to find things I am looking for.

 

Got a new set of Tarot cards last week and I am enjoying them and learning them. Yesterday my card of the day was the Adventurer - beginnings and journey, I am alway on a journey. Good thing I like travel, LOL.

 

seems I have been presented with the ability to live a dream and publish a book. WOW, scary. This may be the journey that I am supposed to be taking right now. It is certainly a test of faith in myself and my beliefs. I will keep you posted on this more later. I have until Tuesday to make a decision. I am strongly leaning toward yes.

Wow! Lot going on here lately. Just did my Reiki I attunement last week. That was awesome! Am beginning a course on Chakra Healing. Still in classes with Dog. Parks will be starting up again in a few months and my application is in. Woo Hoo! Love my summer work. Oh and filed my taxes and I am in the black. Life is good! Sometimes I forget how good. I get so caught up in the daily strife that I forget to be grateful for all the things I have in my life. Family and friends of course but also the freedom to pursue the things in life that interest me. Whether it be spiritual, physical or intellectual. It's been a quiet winter so far, not a lot of snow, quite a bit of rain, everything is very soggy and icy. I am thinking about having my book published. need to give this a lot of thought, for money and many other reasons as well. Am I really ready to expose myself and my thoughts to the public? then again why not? It's not as if there are any great secrets.