So much has gone on since the last time I posted I am not sure even where to begin. As usual I am working my summer job as a Park Ranger for Vermont. and I have all the usual trails and tribulations. I find that I am losing my sense of self this year. I have lost some connections and in turn have become a bit lost myself. One of the things I have decided is that i am so busy trying to keep all others happy that I am simply making myself unhappy.All of the things I have done simply for the joy of doing have become chores because I am trying to do them to please others perceptions of what they should be. This takes all the fun from life. Life should be joy and light not negative and dark. And right now there is just not a lot of joy and light. I have been listening to too many voices and not my own. I need to stop and recalibrate and then begin again. I took a mental health day the other day and I think I may have turned the corner. it is starting to feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have been a bit like the RAD child who sees the light and and the hands reaching to help but just keeps digging my hole deeper and faster to escape.