Shadow work

shadows, dark and murky... those dark scary places that we tend to avoid. The areas that hold all our darkest fears, and deepest secrets. The place that we sweep all the things that we don't want to look at or deal with. Why? Why do we feel the need to be if not perfect, then at least good? Everywhere I turn lately I have been confronted with shadows, references to shadows, writings about shadows. Hmmm...think there is a message here? Well I decided there is and so I am on a journey to illuminate my shadows and chase away the fears. To explore my darker side and bring it to the light. To become whole. I must say that this seems like a daunting task and rather unpleasant. There are aspects of my personality that I have worked long and hard to bury and keep hidden. Not only from the world but myself as well. There is shame and fear and a feeling of loss of control as I begin this exploration of self. But if I do not do this then I will never be whole and will not be able to move forward. I will always be stuck in my present cycle of life. It would be so much easier if I could just say, " well it's not me" but deep inside it is. I may not have created what I am dealing with but some aspect of myself is there and being reflected back to me. There is so much good that I see, but I need to chase away the "demons" and bring light to the shadows in my life. For by bringing light, the shadows grow smaller and become less fearful. They lose power and I gain knowledge for they are here to teach me things I need to learn. To face my fears and accept me for all that i am. If I am to be truly accepting of others with all their glories and all their faults, do I not need to start with my own? What are my shodws you ask?

Well, loss of control is one. Fear of not being liked is another. fear of being selfish, fear of being overweight ( and I am), fear of being jealous, fear of being greedy or prideful. These are hard things to write, let alone admit to, but if I am to bring light to my shadows I must open the windows and air them out. and so begins my journey. I have a visit to Lorraine tomorrow and I have some reading to do. Probably some more journaling as well. I will try to keep you posted as my trip continues. If you wish to share I would love to hear from you as well.

In light and love!

Happy Halloween

Halloween or Samhain, whichever you prefer to call it is here again. This was the Celtic New Year, the ending of summer and the year. The beginning of winter or the dark season and the new year. A time of drawing in and contemplation, but fist a celebration to send out the old year with a bang. A time to honor the changing season, to show respect for the ancestors. This has changed in some aspects but in many still holds a touch of the old ways. Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. I love the sights. The sounds, and the smells. The air is crisp and clean, nature has wrapped herself in beautiful colors of red, gold, and even some green still remains. The decorations and costumes are such fun. To throw off your daily persona and become who ever you would like to be for just a few hours brings back light-hearted memories of childhood. So here is wishing you a day filled with fun and laughter and night filled with fun and fright (only the good kind) if you wish it. Have a blessed and happy Halloween!

Regrets

Regrets...
We all have them, some are deeper than others. The thing about regrets is not to let them control your life. Don't let your regrets turn into guilt. Regrets are mistakes made, they are often
good intentions that just went wrong. No matter how careful we are or how hard we try we will make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them so that we do not repeat them. Do not let regrets consume your life. Look at them, learn from them, and let them go. Give your self a little time if you need it to wallow in it, to embrace it. Then let it go, because if you hang on to it then you have learned nothing from it. And eventually it will consume you. They say that life is full of regrets and while there may be regrets in life I don't believe that it has to be full of them. If we embrace the lesson that they teach us and release them, then life is simply full of lessons learned and not regrets. Just a thought for today.
In Light and Love

The Journey!

When I first began my journey I was desperately seeking someone or something to teach me what to do, how to do, what was right. Through this journey I have discovered that there is no one way to do, or be. It is all about finding you and what feels right to you. There will be moments when you throw your hands up in despair. And times when you dance with glee. But whatever emotion you face, it is all part of the journey. The journey is not about the destination, so stop worrying about getting there. The journey is simply about the journey and living each and every moment of it. It is about exploring not only yourself but the world around you. Remember as a child the awe of walking beneath the giant trees of the forest, or through a cathedral, or museum? Look for this feeling in everyday. Find that moment when you say, "AAhhh!" Don't be discouraged if you can't always find it, sometimes you won't. But simply by looking for it, you are experiencing more of life and your journey than if you are simply putting one foot in front of the other, with you head tucked in to avoid the blows of life. If you can find the ability to hold up your head, no matter what. To look for the beauty through laughter and tears. Then you my friend, are truly living your journey. This is not always and easy thing to do and there will be days when you simply tuck your head and place one foot in front of the other. I know I still do from time to time. But if you keep practicing it gets easier and the journey becomes an adventure, and adventures make great stories to share.

October!?!

October! Can you believe it? The end of the Celtic Year and the beginning of the new one. There is so much going on in my life right now, I am feeling a little tired and perhaps a bit overwhelmed. The park is almost ready to close only 2 more weekends of campers. The las one is the big hurrah with our Haunted Trail. I had a group of volunteers in yesterday that helped us to get most of it set up and ready to go. this has been such a strange year. What should have been one of the best years ever has been so mixed up and disconnected. We did win park of the year for our reagion so that is a testement to the fact that all the strain and struggle did not show to the outside world. I knew this was to be a year of great transitions, I guess I just wan't prepare for the direction of them. I have grown by leaps and bounds this year. Things that would have torn me apart and destroyed me a few years ago, I survived. Not without some emotional turmoil, but it didn't hang on near as long as it would have before. I am learning to accept and release that which I have not control over. I hope this means that I am become a better balanced person. I would certainly like to think so. I even realize that I need to thank ( perhaps only mentally) all the things or people who caused or were involved in all that went on this year. For without them I would not have grown into the person I am becoming, while I may not have enjoyed the lessons i have learned this year. They were evidently necessary lessons. Halloween or Samhain is coming! I have an author visit with the Lunenburg Historical Society on October 21st and another event? in McDonough, NY with the lovely ladies from the Tradition gone Wild Trading post. I can't wait! Then home for For a little Celtic New Year celebration with my daughter. See even when life has it's pissy moments, when I remember to look there is a lot of good as well!

Blessings All

catching up

So life here has been very busy this summer. The Park is hopping and seems like I am too. There are so many changes taking place in my life right now and mostly for the good. Although they have not always seemed to be heading in a good directions, they have certainly been learning moments for me. This has been a year of great personal growth and it all started with the publishing of my book. While it has been on hold for a couple of months while that park has been busy, as we start to slow down here, it is starting to pick up momentum again. I have an author's night next thursday at Encore Books in W. Lebanon, NH. I am excited and nervous. I have connected with a lovely lady of like mind and tenatively made arrangements for her to come to the park next year and teach about herbs and some of their uses. Mabon is here and Halloween is just around the corner; and planning for the Haunted walk here at the park begins, shortly. In case I haven't mentioned it before I LOVE Halloween! As the nights begin to cool down campfires are more and more in my future. So I will try to post more often, just in case anyone is interested. Bright blessings and may you walk in light and love!

Weavings

There comes a time when you become so tangled in the threads of life that you can't find your way out. Then someone comes along who gently pulls the threads and untangles you and you can see the warp and begin weaving your life again. There will still be a bump in the fabric, but it simply adds texture and interest to the fabric that is your life. Sometimes these bumps are caused by great pain or emotional upheaval, and as much as they hurt when they are happening it is also a time with the potential for great growth. The weaving may change, we may tighten or loosen the threads as needed. We may even find that the pattern is changing, or new colors are added as old ones are run out. Sometimes we even cut some threads and add new ones, such is the artistry of our lives. While we may think that we know what the pattern of our lives will be, all we really know is that it is forever changing. And when we get caught up in the knowing and don't allow the changes, this is when we get tangled. I was just in such a tangle, by trying to hang on tightly to the threads of the past and not allowing new threads to join and worn out threads to end, I created such a tangle. While caught in the tangle, I couldn't find the threads that I needed to allow myself to smooth out the fabric of my life and the harder I tried, the tighter I pulled the threads and the more snarled the fabric became. Fortunately, I was aware that I was only making it worse and went to see someone who can see those threads and has the skill to untangle them, gently and with great love. I have been lucky enough to find a master weaver with great skill and such love in her heart. Then of course it is always easier to see the tangled threads if you are looking at it from farther away and not from the midst of the tangle. I have read that if a weaving is perfect it will anger the Gods and the will be consequences. While I am not sure that I totally believe such a thing I do wonder if we are given the imperfections in our weavings to help us realize that nothing is perfect and we should not expect it of ourselves either. Although I hate the tangles when they occur, how boring my life would be without them. These are teaching moments when I learn a new skill, how to handle a new thread, or appreciate a new color, or even to let go of a pattern that is no longer appropriate to my life and where I am going. Sometimes I even find an old pattern re-emerging into the new and re-connecting old threads, these a profound moments for me. However these are rare and I have learned that they won't always work out and sometimes need to be released from the weaving again. Sometimes it has become such a habit to weave that pattern, that it slips back in even though it is no longer a necessary part of the weaving. It has performed it's purpose and is no longer useful or necessary to the weaving as it is now. Just because it added beauty and color to the fabric at the time it was woven it is not necessarily going to look right or feel right now. And sometimes new patterns are only there for a short time. Just to add a spot of color or a touch of interest. They may only be a small part of your fabric before they are gone. Then I have to remember to thank them for the joy and color they brought and let them go, to move on with my weaving rather than trying to keep weaving them back into the fabric that they no longer work with. Sometimes they are just there for a short space to add a point of interest or a splash of color.